17 Mar 09 OUR SEXUAL JOURNEY AS OLDER ADULTS: EMOTIONAL CHANGES. SOCIAL PRESSURES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Emotional Changes during Older Adulthood
The factors that contribute to a general feeling of sexual well being differ for women and men. Women find satisfaction in being sexually attractive and becoming intimate with their partners. Men take pride in their sexual performance and their attractiveness to their partners, but they may be less interested in intimacy.
As women and men age, however, the need for intimacy grows, especially among men. In the later years of life, we may find new and deeper dimensions of intimacy in our relationships. Although sexual intercourse may become less frequent, our interest and pleasure in other sexually intimate activities may increase. These activities can include caressing, embracing, and kissing. Nonsexual, intimate relationships can also provide affection, closeness, intellectual stimulation, and opportunities for socializing.
Social Pressures and Responsibilities during Older Adulthood
Each stage of our sexual journey is affected by the double standards society holds regarding our sexuality. These double standards can have a powerful impact on older adults who are profoundly affected by many other losses—loss of friends through death and illness, loss of physical and financial independence, loss of contact with family, as well as declining health.
It is commonly believed that feelings and behaviors that are acceptable for young or midlife people become inappropriate for older adults, especially those in the care of others. Attitudes about masturbation form a good example. Many people who believe that it is acceptable for a 25-year-old man to masturbate also believe that it is “dirty” for a 70-year-old man to masturbate.
Double standards about gender may also prevail. Many believe, for example, that it is acceptable for an older man to have a younger wife, but they question the marriage of an older woman with a younger man.
Our double standard also holds that as women age they become unattractive, but as men age they become “distinguished.” These double standards can become particularly isolating and painful in our older years when we may be preoccupied with a variety of financial and health issues that may make us less resilient.
As we age, however, the gender role differences between women and men begin to lessen at both the psychological and the social levels. The expectations of gender behavior a society holds are more pronounced in young adulthood. As older adults, we become free to move away from stereotypical behavior. Women may focus less on the relationship aspect of sexuality, and men may move away from concentrating on genital sex. There also might be a shift in power in marital relations.
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Tags: Men’s Health
17 Mar 09 KEGEL EXERCISES FOR STRONGER ORGASM AND STRESS INCONTINENCE
Kegel exercises are done by tightening and relaxing the muscles used to stop urination. Strengthening these muscles can prevent and improve urinary incontinence, improve sexual sensations, and aid recovery from childbirth. Because they are internal muscle exercises, Kegel exercises can be done anywhere, anytime. Do at least five in a row several times a day:
1. Tighten muscles a little and hold for five seconds.
2. Tighten a little more and hold for five seconds more.
3. Tighten as much as possible and hold for five seconds more.
4. Relax the muscles in reverse steps, holding five seconds at each step.
To benefit from Kegel exercises, you must isolate the correct muscles. For women to be sure they are isolating the correct muscles, they may insert two fingers into the vagina the first time they try the exercise. They should be able to feel pressure around their fingers when they squeeze the correct muscles. Once the correct muscles have been located, it is unnecessary to insert the fingers to do the exercise.
Men who do Kegels must be sure to constrict the urethra as well as the anal sphincter.
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Tags: Men’s Health
17 Mar 09 SOCIAL PRESSURES AND RESPONSIBILITIES DURING YOUNG ADULTHOOD.
COHABITATION
Some people in relationships do not get married before they live together. Living together unmarried while in a sexual relationship is sometimes called cohabitation. Some people do this because they are not ready to commit to legal marriage. Others may never want to marry. Some people may have been married before and do not want to get married again.
Lesbian women and gay men cannot get married legally. They often share the same desires and reasons all women and men have to live with someone—to gain intimacy, companionship, and security and to live more economically.
Our views of cohabitation are shaped by our moral values and our religious and cultural beliefs. Not everyone approves of couples living together outside of marriage. Many religions do not allow for sexual intercourse before marriage, which may make cohabitation unacceptable. Deciding to live together is a decision that we make with our partners for ourselves based upon our own values and priorities.
Living together is an important commitment that couples make to one another. Like marriage, it requires good communication skills and a commitment to negotiate and compromise. It is important for both people to be clear about the goals and expectations they bring to the relationship.
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Tags: Men’s Health
17 Mar 09 ALL ABOUT SEX: SEXUAL DIVERSITY DURING ADOLESCENCE
Many teenagers struggle to understand their sexual identities. We wonder if certain things about us mean that we are women or men, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. We may not want to have sex with anyone, or we may like hanging out only with people of the same sex. We may have crushes on or fall in love with people of the same sex.
Exploring our sexual identities and orientation during our teen years can be a scary experience. Our society pressures us to be heterosexual—to be feminine women and masculine men. As young people, we are well aware of society’s negative attitudes toward homosexuality. We learn to use words like “fag,” “fern,” and “queer” on the playground to hurt other kids. We hear negative things about lesbian, gay, and bisexual people in many of our families. We may be reprimanded for dressing too feminine or masculine.
Some of us are called “tomboys.” Others are called “sissies.” Some people are aware of their sexual identities and orientation from childhood. Others become aware of it later in life. As they come to know their sexual identities and orientation, each youth has to make his or her own decision about coming out to family and friends. Coming out is the process of acknowledging, first to ourselves and then to others, that we are lesbian or gay, bisexual, or transgender. There may be great risks involved. We may alienate parents upon whom we are dependent for our daily needs. Coming out at school can be frightening when the approval of our peers and school officials is so very important.
Accepting ourselves as different from society’s sexual norms can be very difficult in American culture. Our society fears homosexuality and people whose identities are not clearly feminine or masculine. We are very likely to internalize our society’s negative views, and that can make us feel guilty and afraid of our sexual feelings.
These fears and uncertainties can lead to depression and confusion. Feeling isolated, alone, and hated might make us think about suicide. Nearly 30 percent of all teen suicides are committed by lesbian and gay youth. Lesbian and gay youth and those who are perceived to be are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than straight teens and six times more likely to think about suicide.
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Tags: Men’s Health
17 Mar 09 ALL ABOUT SEX: PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL CHANGES DURING ADOLESCENCE
Adolescence is the transition from childhood to adulthood that includes dramatic developments in mental, physical, and social growth. It extends from the time we are about nine or 10 years old to our late teens. For some people, adolescence may last into their early 20s. Adolescence is a time of change, of pride, self-consciousness, and uncertainty. We do not feel like children or adults, and we are often treated as neither. We wonder about what is going on with our bodies and feelings, and we worry that these changes are noticed by our peers. We also wonder about just how normal we are.
The physical changes of adolescence are probably the most startling and obvious part of growing up. The rapid changes of our bodies, the growing importance of peers, and the sexual development of our lives can all contribute to confusion and stress. The physical changes associated with early or late onset of puberty can be particularly embarrassing. As adolescents, some of us experience weight problems or have severe acne. Whether short or tall, fat or thin, we have an increased self-consciousness about our bodies. We are very aware of our peers and are constantly comparing our stages of development with theirs.
We become very concerned with our appearance. Wearing the right or wrong clothes to school can determine whether we have a good or bad day. Not looking “right” can put barriers in the way of being accepted by our peers. Worrying about being cool or popular is a serious concern for us. We may need a lot of help to bridge the gap of feeling unwanted or disliked.
Feeling unwanted or disliked is quite common. As adolescents, we often have doubts about ourselves. We often don’t like ourselves very much. We need a lot of love, affection, and reassurance from our parents. It is really vital. But at the same time that we want our parents to share in what we are feeling from our peers and our own emotional turmoil, our parents become faced with the fact that their children have become sexual people! It can be hard to handle. We all have to be very patient with one another.
As sexual people, we have become more concerned, or even anxious, about masturbation and our erotic desires, dreams, and thoughts. Many of us may hear about sexual intercourse for the first time, and we may not be too happy about what we hear. We might be shocked or unbelieving that sex really happens like that! We may feel safer in the company of people of our own gender. That’s one of the reasons that adolescents often split into homosocial groups, in which girls make friends only with girls and boys make friends only with boys.
As adolescents, we have important emotional and educational needs. We want to know everything we can about relationships. Communication skills are critical. We need to talk about our feelings of confusion. We need our questions answered. We need open lines of communication. We need to learn these skills in order to make decisions and resolve conflicts. Decision making becomes increasingly complicated as we mature. Should I have sex? Should I drink alcohol? What kind of birth control should I use?
As adolescents, we also need information about pregnancy, contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and sexual abuse, before we are sexually active. We want our parents to give us the facts we need to stay healthy. We also want them to share the underlying values they have used to make their own decisions about sexuality.
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Tags: Men’s Health
