17 Mar 09 OUR SEXUAL JOURNEY AS OLDER ADULTS: EMOTIONAL CHANGES. SOCIAL PRESSURES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Emotional Changes during Older Adulthood

The factors that contribute to a general feeling of sexual well being differ for women and men. Women find satisfaction in being sexually attractive and becoming intimate with their partners. Men take pride in their sexual performance and their attractiveness to their partners, but they may be less interested in intimacy.

As women and men age, however, the need for intimacy grows, especially among men. In the later years of life, we may find new and deeper dimensions of intimacy in our relationships. Although sexual intercourse may become less frequent, our interest and pleasure in other sexually intimate activities may increase. These activities can include caressing, embracing, and kissing. Nonsexual, intimate relationships can also provide affection, closeness, intellectual stimulation, and opportunities for socializing.

Social Pressures and Responsibilities during Older Adulthood

Each stage of our sexual journey is affected by the double standards society holds regarding our sexuality. These double standards can have a powerful impact on older adults who are profoundly affected by many other losses—loss of friends through death and illness, loss of physical and financial independence, loss of contact with family, as well as declining health.

It is commonly believed that feelings and behaviors that are acceptable for young or midlife people become inappropriate for older adults, especially those in the care of others. Attitudes about masturbation form a good example. Many people who believe that it is acceptable for a 25-year-old man to masturbate also believe that it is “dirty” for a 70-year-old man to masturbate.

Double standards about gender may also prevail. Many believe, for example, that it is acceptable for an older man to have a younger wife, but they question the marriage of an older woman with a younger man.

Our double standard also holds that as women age they become unattractive, but as men age they become “distinguished.” These double standards can become particularly isolating and painful in our older years when we may be preoccupied with a variety of financial and health issues that may make us less resilient.

As we age, however, the gender role differences between women and men begin to lessen at both the psychological and the social levels. The expectations of gender behavior a society holds are more pronounced in young adulthood. As older adults, we become free to move away from stereotypical behavior. Women may focus less on the relationship aspect of sexuality, and men may move away from concentrating on genital sex. There also might be a shift in power in marital relations.

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