09 Apr 09 GAMES FOR HYSTERICAL COUPLES – (HYSTERICAL FEMALE AND A PASSIVE MALE)

I once treated a hysteric who could have sex only if she had fantasies of being ravished—sometimes by a whole regiment. This peculiar defensive posture was developed in childhood to protect her against the onslaught of sexual rejection or shaming by her parents, sexual competition with her mother, and inappropriate sexual advances from her father, uncles, or brothers. Now it simply keeps her separated from, and in opposition to, her husband.

Generally, the hysterical couple is composed of a hysterical female and a passive male. Such a husband usually is a man who had a hysterical mother and is now attracted to a hysterical woman in order to gain “mother’s” approval. He thinks that if he gives in to the hysteric’s unreasonable demands, she will approve of him and he will get what he wants—her love. By submitting constantly to her unreasonable demands, he will, of course, get lots and lots of approval but no sex (or much more sex than he can handle) and little real love or respect. In fact, one of the only ways a female hysteric can enjoy sex without guilt is if she is “swept off her feet,” the husband taking full responsibility for the encounter. Ironically, however, the kind of man she chooses as a husband is someone who cannot do that, since his need for her approval precludes his doing anything of which she would consciously disapprove.

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