28 Jun 11 PATTERNS OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: HOMOSEXUAL EXPERIENCE
08 Jun 11 NATURAL MEN’S HEALTH: BRAIN – MEDITATION – A METHOD OF MEDITATING
09 Apr 09 GAMES FOR NARCISSISTIC COUPLES (GENERAL INFORMATION)
Furthermore, sexual relationships of narcissists have more to do with getting narcissistic needs met—merging sexually with a symbol of status, say—than with tenderness and love. The male narcissist, feeling doubt about his self-worth, is attracted to a partner who is most like himself (often in fact a mirror image of himself, as in homosexuality), one who in some way does that self proud. Thus a proud man will look for a proud woman. Conversely, a beautiful woman will look for a handsome or rich man. Their sexual relationship will be satisfactory only on a superficial level, and then only as long as their twinship or idealizing transference lasts. Of course, such transferences can become negative and even ignite rage and envy. An example of this in fairy tales is when the witch in Snow White says, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” and the mirror replies, “Snow White.” The witch becomes enraged and tries to use witchcraft to destroy her rival.
The games for narcissistic couples are designed to counter and resolve their unhealthy narcissism.
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Tags: Men’s Health
09 Apr 09 GAMES FOR HYSTERICAL COUPLES – (HYSTERICAL FEMALE AND A PASSIVE MALE)
I once treated a hysteric who could have sex only if she had fantasies of being ravished—sometimes by a whole regiment. This peculiar defensive posture was developed in childhood to protect her against the onslaught of sexual rejection or shaming by her parents, sexual competition with her mother, and inappropriate sexual advances from her father, uncles, or brothers. Now it simply keeps her separated from, and in opposition to, her husband.
Generally, the hysterical couple is composed of a hysterical female and a passive male. Such a husband usually is a man who had a hysterical mother and is now attracted to a hysterical woman in order to gain “mother’s” approval. He thinks that if he gives in to the hysteric’s unreasonable demands, she will approve of him and he will get what he wants—her love. By submitting constantly to her unreasonable demands, he will, of course, get lots and lots of approval but no sex (or much more sex than he can handle) and little real love or respect. In fact, one of the only ways a female hysteric can enjoy sex without guilt is if she is “swept off her feet,” the husband taking full responsibility for the encounter. Ironically, however, the kind of man she chooses as a husband is someone who cannot do that, since his need for her approval precludes his doing anything of which she would consciously disapprove.
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Tags: Men’s Health
09 Apr 09 GAMES FOR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COUPLES – GAME 4: ROLE REVERSAL (PART 3)
By mirroring each other, each one is forced to take a more objective look at himself or herself. Often they get angry at each other’s exaggerated portrayals, but sometimes they break into laughter. Laughter helps to release the tension and the pent-up frustration and anger that have accumulated during the course of the marriage. And by seeing their partner enact their own means of avoiding sexual intimacy they often begin to stop avoiding and (for example) actually look one another in the eyes during sex, even if that proves at first somewhat uncomfortable. Looking at each other eventually becomes the lesser of two evils, because they come to view not looking at each other as even more shameful.
Family therapists have long used role reversal as a technique in couples therapy. It is even more effective in the bedroom, where eroticism gives it a stronger impact. Using eroticism as a tool and role reversal as a technique, a couple will eventually take a new look at their usual mode of operation, begin to discuss new options, and come to enjoy a new sexual passion and comraderie. The aggressive partner becomes less aggressive, demanding, or controlling, and the passive partner less passive, appeasing, or controlling.
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Tags: Men’s Health
09 Apr 09 GAMES FOR BORED COUPLES – GAME 2: SEDUCTION SURPRISE (BY THE HUSBAND) (PART 4)
The husband makes a point of listening to everything his wife says, in a way he never has. If the wife starts to complain, and he finds himself becoming bored, he is to say to himself (silently), “She’s complaining because she doesn’t feel appreciated deep down,” and he is to lean forward and pay even closer attention to what she is saying. “The more I give to her,” he tells himself, “the more she will be able to give to me.” He leans forward and listens as closely as possible while he sensuously sucks on oysters.
When they have finished, he says, “Would you care for coffee or tea?” He brings the beverage on a tray, adding, “Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll do them later.” (he eventually carries them into the kitchen, rinses them in the sink, and returns.) “And now, for the final treat of your queendom-*-4f my lady please.” He takes her arm and leads her into the bedroom, which is also lighted by candles. He has decorated the bed in an unusual way; it is covered by satin sheets and pillowcases, and colored paper streamers hang from the light fixture (or from the bedposts).
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Tags: Men’s Health
09 Apr 09 JUNK SEX VS LOVING SEX – SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Each act of sex brings us closer to that other person. The more mature the sex, the more authentically intimate and tender that sex will be. In that sense, each act of sex is a triumph of love and life (Eros) over hate and death (Thanatos). Freud, who saw life as a struggle between these two forces, believed that the main cause of human misery was the sexual repression necessitated by modern civilization. The antidote to civilization and its discontents is not more sex but better sex. The more genuinely we engage in sex, the more our bodies and minds will come alive and be freed from the chains of negative thinking. The more we live and love, the longer we will refuse to die.
Every form of human pathology, whether psychological, organic, or social, is in some way associated with sexual frustration. Thus, neurotic defenses, narcissistic grandiosity, borderline rage, addictions, and psychosis—to name but a few—are all products, in part, of the frustration of Eros and the stirring up of Thanatos. The neurotic distorts the sexual experience with guilt, as when an obsessive demands neat and orderly sex and thus makes the experience ritualistic; the grandiose narcissist needs to be superior and cannot allow for the authentic vacillations of human sexuality; the addict is wedded to an addiction and can have only impulsive and shallow sexual experiences; and the psychotic withdraws completely from sex and people alike. In each instance, sexuality becomes blocked, and the other becomes an object to be distanced, exploited, distrusted, or hated.
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Tags: Men’s Health
02 Apr 09 MALE HEALTH: ATTITUDES TO ILL-HEALTH
In our society, we are constantly faced with images which teach us that we should strive for peak physical fitness. We learn that good physical health is highly desirable, not just from the point of view of our personal well-being, but also because of the overall picture it promotes of us as individuals: strength and good health are prized and admired.
At the same time, women’s health issues have been receiving increasing attention in newspapers and magazines, in books and on television and radio programmes.
Women have been positively encouraged to learn more about, and to take responsibility for, their overall physical well-being. This doesn’t just mean keeping fit through physical exercise and by eating a balanced diet, but encourages self-awareness and attendance at screening programmes, for example. Furthermore, responsibility for health matters within the family has tended to remain the province of women. Men, in general, are not as comfortable talking about health issues, whether minor or serious, as many women. This is not a matter for criticism so much as a reflection of the way in which attitudes towards health in our society have evolved.
And there is some evidence of changing attitudes. Until relatively recently, the specific health needs of men have been somewhat neglected. Now there are numerous general interest health/fitness magazines for men.
Although their health and medical issues are often covered from a general ‘lifestyle’ viewpoint (‘look after your body and become more attractive’), specifically male medical matters such as prostate problems and testicular self-examination do receive an airing alongside the broader issues. These magazines are largely aimed at and read by the younger adult male population, leaving a gap in older age-ranges which is less easily filled.
A serious hurdle for many men to overcome is the traditional social pressure to be ‘strong’ where physical (not to mention emotional) health is concerned. This perceived need to be – and to be seen to be – strong is a major obstacle to an open and constructive approach to health problems. Many of us know of men who lead largely sedentary lives yet take enormous pride in over-exerting themselves in the gym or on the squash court, followed by large quantities of beer in the bar afterwards. These men seem to have a need to proclaim to their peers that regardless of their general fitness, their bodies can withstand the same exertions as when they were 18 years old. External pressures to be seen to be strong can manifest themselves in many different ways, from a denial of illness to an obsession with physical fitness regimes.
The same underlying problem is evident in many men’s reluctance to seek help if they become unwell. A certain pride in never visiting the doctor, or declaring that ‘I’ve never had a day off work sick in 30 years’ is fine – up to a point. It is still very important to recognize when a visit to the doctor is called for, or when a few days off work would lead to a faster recovery from a niggling virus. There is still a tendency for an admission of illness to be equated with unacceptable and ‘unmanly’ weakness. Many men would rather suffer in silence than admit to ill-health and run the risk, however unconsciously, of being perceived as weak. Sometimes, different attitudes can prevail depending upon the nature of the problem. An injury sustained while involved in a very physical activity – a dislocated shoulder on the rugby field, for example – is regarded somehow more positively than a bad bout of ‘flu. The former is still connected with a display of physical strength, the latter with physical weakness.
For similar reasons, even admitting to the symptoms of illness can be difficult. The hope that they will go away by themselves may become a reality, but sometimes these symptoms can be the precursor of a much more serious health problem. You may try to shrug off an annoying cough which refuses to go away, a lump which you can’t explain or increasingly severe discomfort which has no apparent cause. It is tempting to ignore these symptoms in the hope that they will just resolve themselves. Perhaps they can be diagnosed as a straightforward problem which can be readily sorted out – but only if you admit to the problem and consult your GP. If a more serious health issue is at stake, it is even more important to get advice and help as quickly as possible. Of course, you do not want to be heading for the surgery in a state of panic every time you sniff or sneeze, but recognizing when your body is sending messages that something more serious is afoot – and doing something about it -can make a huge difference in the longer term, as Neil discovered.
This is a period in which I do not feel any pride in my actions. I think I acted like far too many men by really making no attempt to come to terms with the changes which were obviously physically affecting me.
I had become conscious of some small but certain changes in my health but put them down to the general hassle of our everyday life running a small business and the after-effects of a personal trauma which my partner and I had suffered a month or two earlier. I further subsumed myself in work and physical activity for some bizarre reason, probably of a displacement nature. I was now swimming nearly a mile several times a week. My health was not improving and I now had some low level discomfort in my abdomen and the odd bout of nausea. This became gradually but persistently worse until I was having difficulty eating.
It was now obvious – to everybody but me – that I needed medical help. I had to be dragged the four hundred yards from home to the doctor’s surgery by my partner who was determined not to leave my side until I had seen a doctor. Even then, I tried to play for time! We may have lived in the same house for eight years, but had I ever got around to registering with a GP? Why did I, a fit and healthy thirty-something man, have any need for the medical profession? So I even tried to put off this appointment by a couple of days. The doctor examined me, made a brief referral note and sketch, and instructed us to go straight to our local Accident and Emergency Unit – me, an A & E case! I think I realized then that I was about to enter the bowels of the health service and that it might be some time before I emerged again.
Whether you have a small, niggling health problem or a suspicion that it might be more serious, a cancer diagnosis is probably the last – although most feared – outcome you expect. It plunges you into a new world of blood tests and scans, physical examinations and technical terminology, fears and worries for the future. You have to get to grips with the prospect of treatment, the implications and the potential effects on your life in a very short time. It can be frightening and throw you entirely off balance at a time when you need all your reserves of strength to cope.
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Tags: Men’s Health
02 Apr 09 THE CANCER GUIDE FOR MEN: MALE HEALTH
Hearing the word ‘cancer’ used by a doctor for the first time is a moment no patient ever forgets. The very nature of cancer makes it particularly difficult to face, let alone to discuss rationally in the early stages when fear and shock may be your only recognizable emotions.
Most of us take good health and fitness for granted and assume that our bodies will function happily with little or no special attention well into advanced years. With constant medical advances and new, effective treatments for a whole range of conditions, we also tend to expect that any health problems we do encounter will be quickly resolved. As a result, we simply don’t anticipate that ill-health will have any major or long-term impact on our lives. It would be foolish to spend our lives in a constant state of fear about our health, but our expectations are now so high that when serious ill-health does strike, we are rarely prepared to cope with it.
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Tags: Men’s Health
27 Mar 09 SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, REPRODUCTION: WHAT IS AN EMBRYO? WHAT’S A FOETUS? WHAT IS A MISCARRIAGE? WHAT IS A STILL BIRTH?
After an ovum has been fertilized and plants itself in the uterus, it begins the nine-month-long process of developing into a baby. For the first three months, it is referred to as an embryo. After three months, it is called a foetus.
What is a miscarriage? What is a still birth?
When an embryo or foetus dies, it is expelled from the mother’s uterus and this is called a miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen during the first three months of pregnancy. It is unusual for a woman to miscarry after three months, but it does happen. Doctors aren’t always sure why a miscarriage has happened, but usually the embryo or foetus has a defect or problem in its development that makes it impossible for it to survive. Having a miscarriage doesn’t usually affect a woman’s chances of having a normal baby in the future.
Still birth means that the baby is born dead. In some cases the baby has died during the birth process; in other cases the baby has died in the womb before birth. Sometimes the doctor can pin-point a defect in the baby that caused the death, but at other times the reason for the still birth remains a mystery. Fortunately, miscarriages after the third month of pregnancy and still births are rare. Most women have normal pregnancies and give birth to healthy babies.
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Tags: Men’s Health
